Sunday, 18 December 2016

A Page from my Diary — III

Dear Scott,

Today I was talking a walk with my brother and we got to a point where we started talking about how we were as kids. When I look back, I remember an insecure little girl who was convinced she was not worth much. Over the ages, I have grown and changed so much — some might say in bad ways, and some might say in good ways, and I really cannot disagree. I have made mistakes and I cannot deny that. Looking back, however, walking through the rough patches of my mistakes got me to where I stand today, and I think I am okay with where I am right now — happy infact.

What I am not okay with is all the insecurities I had as a kid. So many times these days, in life, I have looked back and regretted how I was. I have wished so many times to go back to the little version of me and set her straight.

I want to go back and tell her that its okay to be tiny, you’ll grow — to some extent — and someday you’ll learn to accept it, no matter what people say. It’s okay to have crazy silly hair and its okay to not look your age. Someday you’ll learn that your hair is that last thing you’ll be worrying about because you’ll have far greater things to be worrying about. And age? It is nothing definitive. It’s always changing with time and time is what you should be worrying about, not ‘looking’ your age. I know it is hard but try not to let the fear of not being accepted keep you away from talking to other people. Even if they do not like you, do not fret. Let it prepare you instead for all the troubles in life you will have to go through alone. Besides, there will be so many other occasions in life where you will switch off your phone and turn out the light in your room, just to be alone, because that will be the only thing you’ll want to be — alone. Do not be afraid when your heart races when you have to talk to people in a crowd, or when someone talks to you and puts you in the spot. It gets better with time and someday you’ll have no problem with it — well, almost. You’re not crazy and you’re going to be just fine. Just keep writing and keep believing in yourself. I know it’s hard and I cannot tell you that it’ll get easier. But no matter what, you’ll always get through it. You’ll always pull through it.

Whatever it is I am going through, right now as well, I know I’ll pull through it. Wish me the best Scott.