Thursday, 1 December 2016

Why I Stopped Blogging

I thought it was only right to begin "24 Days of ELTW" by trying to explain or rather trying to write and find out why I stopped blogging for so long. I have a feeling that this post should have been titled "Why I THINK I Stopped Blogging" instead because honestly, I don't think I know the exact reason why I stopped in the first place.

What I do know though is that I paused my activity here on this blog because I had plans of creating a whole new blog, a better one. When the plans for the new blog did not pull through, thanks to the complexities of this world, I gave up trying. Apart from that, I also did not resume blogging here again. The exact reason why, I will never know, but I have a few reasons why I think I stopped.

I am, for the most part, a private person. The thought of all the people throwing assumptions about my private and personal life based on what I wrote, left me feeling violated. Now I know that that was the last thing I should have felt because those were assumptions from naturally curious and nosy people. I was younger and less wiser then and I drove myself straight into my shell. I like writing about crazy stuff, about the sadder stuff and the darker places of my heart. Its not like my life is as crazy, sad and dark as my writings make it out to be. Of course, I take from life but not everything is or can be real.

Over the past few months, my insecure side had gotten the better of me. There are a lot of things of things I can say about the things that led me to be insecure and there are a lot of things I cannot say as well. One, studying in a university like mine can make you feel so dumb after seeing all the brain and talent around you. Two, hearing your fellow Indians ask you if you are Chinese, over and over again, can be irritating as 'fudge' and will drive the wits out of you. Three, never let a privileged someone, who probably earns a decent five figure salary, and sits behind a desk everyday in Delhi, tell you that what you are going through is not racism and that the issues faced by North Eastern women here in Delhi is an "overblown" topic. Four, do not listen to the lady who calls you a girl from "a small village". Do not let her put you down. Instead, learn to be civil enough to not demean someone that way. Yes, I am from a small place and my grandparents were from a small village and I love that village of mine. Look where that small village brought me. Five, when the security guard asks you to feed the dog you are petting "momo", remember to ask him to feed it "palak, paneer and parantha"(Thanks G for this). Six, learn to let go of things and people that you know are not good for you. Some things and some people, even yourself, will do better, much better, after you let it go. Elsa was right. Let it go. I let go and I have started blogging again.